Wednesday, January 27, 2010

60 More Days!!!

Sixty more days and this little lady gets served an eviction notice if she isn't here yet. This is what 2 more months looks like on me.

I had my first experience with cankles last week. Thursday and Friday my feet and ankles swelled up big time - it looked like I had two sprained ankles. That was unpleasant, and from my perspective, crazy. Thankfully, I haven't had any major swelling this week. I got an empty Office Depot paper case and stuck it under my desk to use as a foot rest. I know that you should prop your feet up higher, but that's all we had around the office. I do think its helped as I've been able to use it more this week and haven't seen the swelling again. Hopefully it won't return.

We had our first childbirth class last Thursday. I am feeling a little better about the process. We watched a video about the basic stages of labor and I thought it was helpful to see what is in store--see what women go through, how they feel, etc. Justin wasn't too enthusiastic about it, but I thought the class certainly ended with a major WIN as a massage therapist came in to teach the men some massage techniques to help us relax. Tomorrow night is our second and last class. We're also taking a breastfeeding class on February 11.

This past weekend, I FINALLY decided what I wanted to do in the nursery. After perusing Roomzaar for hours on end, I decided I wanted paneling/molding or wainscotting. I thought that would decrease the obnoxiousness of having a bright pink nursery and make it look a little more grown up. Saturday and Sunday, Justin was in there sawing, nailing, caulking away. He complained a bit, even though he liked the idea, and I calmly told him that I'm carrying our little girl for 9 months, the LEAST he could do is spend a couple weekends slaving away to make her nursery fit for a little princess (even though I gagged at that "princess" phrase). We're doing paneling and picture frame molding on the bottom half of the room, which will be painted white. The top half and ceiling will be painted bright pink -- I still need to nail down a color. If it all looks as good in my head, I'm going to love it. I'd like to just wow you with the big reveal when its done, but you need something to compare it to. So here are some pictures of the current "construction zone". The paneling and molding is done, the room needs to be cleaned (of course) and primed and painted.

Here are pictures of "Weekend 1":

Please excuse Fudge's butt.

Now, I won't be able to do the tree decal I like, but I've found some branches with birds that will work. I'm very excited to get the furniture back in and start decorating and "nesting".

I super puffy heart Etsy right now. I could surf that site all day.

Monday, January 18, 2010

"Survivor's Guilt"

I have it.

I feel like I shouldn't ever complain about being pregnant. I am very sorry that I do. I waited 29 months to see those two pink lines and all the while, hated everyone who had gotten what I wanted and complained about it the whole time. I feel like a hypocrite when I complain and as we near the end, I do it a lot.

Before I got pregnant, it felt like a punch in the gut when someone would complain about being pregnant. I hated those who seemed to take this for granted, especially those who got pregnant way too easily.

I'm still bitter--its hard to get rid of or let go of. I used to have panic attacks just thinking about going into Babies R Us that I started having to order things online for people's showers as I drank a glass of wine and cried. There's still a breath I have to take before stepping into BRU. I almost forget for a second that there's a good reason I am going inside, that its for my baby, not someone else's for a change.

I wish I could make it happen for everyone still waiting and hoping. I really wish we could all go through this together. I wish we could all commiserate together about our aches and pains and weird stuff going on with our bodies. I wish infertility wasn't so unfair.

I try to be sensitive because I have been there. I know what its like, I know the frustrations and the tears, I know the feelings of hopelessness and anger. But I also slip up. Pregnancy isn't easy for me and I really hate that I don't just "enjoy" this more and want to be pregnant forever. I wanted this. I wanted this desperately. I didn't know it would be so hard, so uncomfortable. I'm not meant to be a breeder unfortunately.

I just want to apologize to all those out there who might read my blog from time to time and hate me for complaining.

Here's a more positive spin on my experience and things I love about being pregnant.

I love what its done to my hair and nails. They have never looked so fabulous. My hair has body it has never had before and my nails grow like crazy.

For some reason, I don't have to shave my legs as often. That has been nice!

I love watching my belly jiggle which it does more and more lately. It cracks me up every single time she rolls around and wiggles in there. I feel like Santa.

I love thinking about our outside baby, what she'll be like, what she'll look like, and how much we're going to love her, as well as how much we already do.

To those of you still in IF hell, I wish you nothing but good luck and I send big hugs from my side.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

29 Weeks

OMGosh. I feel like I am being stabbed in the ribs. Not with a foot, but with a knife. It stings so bad. I also can't breathe. I'm very uncomfortable and I really hate that I'm not enjoying this more.

Doc appointment on Friday. Signed up for a breastfeeding class today. Childbirth class next two Thursdays (after this one). Have to pick a pedi. Have to start the nursery. Have to fill out FMLA stuff. Feeling overwhelmed.

Here's today's belly pic.

And look from the front. My belly looks so weird! My belly button is all stretched out and gross looking.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

28 Weeks

My bedding came in!!!! I think I love it. It's bright, but that's what I wanted. Nothing else is new really....just trying to plan out the nursery.

I'm trying to decide on name decals for over her crib....I see something new I like every time.

Here are some of my favorites (all from Etsy):

I think the second one is my favorite, but I like the simple name in the third one.

Fun, fun!!

I think this is the tree decal I'm going with for one of the corners. If we go with the pink walls, which we probably will, I was going to put some green and aqua birds in the tree and possibly on a branch in another location to add some more color.

And the highlight of my blog (@ 28 weeks and 2 days)!

Monday, January 4, 2010

I Love Her

As uncomfortable as she makes me, I love her. I think more than she'll ever know or realize. We're so excited to meet her that we can't contain ourselves.

And that's all the mush you get for today folks. :)

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Happy New Year!!!!

The first redeeming quality of 2009 was that I got pregnant. The second redeeming quality of 2009 is that we both escaped with our jobs in tact. Otherwise, 2009 can suck it.

I feel much more excited about what 2010 holds in store for us, I just have a giddy, excited feeling. I'm sure much of it has to do with getting to meet this little lady currently playing trampoline on my bladder. I've never been so excited, except maybe when I went away to college. There's that same nervous excitement, mostly confident at tackling a new stage in life, yet still uncertain on if I/we're going to get through it unscathed.

I think we're going be ok....I'm looking at it as a new adventure.

The best news of the week is that my bedding shipped! After receiving an email from Target saying my bedding was delayed until at least January 29 earlier last week, Thursday I woke up to another email from Target saying they shipped the bedding! Confused? Me too, but I'll take it. Looks like we'll be able to at least paint the nursery this weekend and arrange the furniture so I can see where we can put some decals and get those ordered. After doing some "old school" photoshopping on a Target Baby Catalog, I think if this is the bedding I want to go with when it gets here, we're painting the room a bright pink. Will it be a lot of pink? Probably. But I think the white and green I'm throwing in with it will break it up a bit. Plus our furniture is a dark espresso and will add another element of color. So sue me on the pink overload. It might be my only chance to have a pink room and dammit, I'm taking advantage of it. When she's old enough to have an opinion on some "big girl" decor, she might want purple, green, teal, brown, who knows!

In other news, this rib pain is killing me. Do I really have 12 weeks to go? ::cries:: Sometimes its hard to breathe too. Having some crazy dreams too. Last night, I dreamt about breastfeeding. Apparently I produced Gatorade before my milk came in--just the lemon lime and orange flavors. I wonder what's in store tonight.....