Ultrasound Results

Yesterday, I had my very first pregnancy ultrasound! There is a sac in the uterus, not in my tube!! I was beyond thrilled. My beta level rose to 7930 as well.

I was a little nervous when they didn't use the vag cam, but I guess we were just looking for a sac and weren't trying to date anything or see a heartbeat, they felt that the "normal" gizmo would work. I was surprised that it did, but the tech spotted the sac right away, right where it should be.

The one unsettling thing is that the sac was only measuring 4 and a half weeks. Based on my LMP, I thought I was more close to 5 and a half weeks. So great, they think I'm due a week later than what I thought, so maybe another week of 1st Tri! I guess I shouldn't worry about it if my levels are rising normally. At least, I try not to. I hope that maybe its just so small and they didn't get a good enough reading because they didn't use the vag cam. The ultrasound doctor wants to see me back August 12 to try to date the pregnancy then. It's a little frustrating to not have a due date, but I just hope the little one is growing and growing as well as can be expected. I don't think its possible that I didn't ovulate until the 10-15th, I just don't.

They want me to have another beta in the morning before we leave for Roatan on Sunday just for added reassurance. I've been a little nervous about the trip, but now that I know I shouldn't have a bursting tube, I've been feeling a lot better. I'm also nervous that because they wanted another beta, that they feel something might be wrong and aren't telling me. I would hope they'd prepare me for the worst. I've never known anyone to get four betas before. Maybe they are just taking me seriously like I wanted them to when I first called about the BFP.

I feel like time is crawling. I'm trying not to be stressed and trying to think very positive thoughts. I just want to be sure that this is going to be our miracle that we've waited for--I never imagined it would be so nervewracking. My symptoms seem to come and go. I get nauseous from time to time, things don't taste like I think they should, but no real morning sickness or food aversions yet. My boobs are extremely sore and I still have heartburn, so I'm going to celebrate that things still seem fine. :-) And the peeing! It's like my bladder shrank in the past week. It's possibly because that I'm so thirsty I'm drinking so much water, but man, that came on immediately.

I don't care. I'll take it. I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise, but I hope this little baby is nice and comfy in there. So far, so good!

(Gosh it seems so surreal to say. I don't know that its sunk in yet. It's starting to, but still sounds crazy.)

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow.-- Orison Marden.

5 Weeks

So far (knock on wood), I feel pretty good. I had a spell of nausea this morning, but it went away after lunch. The worst thing today was the bloating. I didn't feel this "chubby" on Saturday, but man did it come in today. I've been battling headaches most of all. It's probably from caffiene withdrawals. They aren't bad and since I can still function, I don't really want to take anything. I can tough it out. And yes, I know a little caffiene here and there is ok. I allow myself one soda a day. I'm not a coffee drinker, so Coke/Pepsi are my vices. This morning, I didn't finish the can as I was nauseous and it wasn't sitting right.

The cramping is going away, I hope that's just normal and maybe the ute made enough room for now. I'm so scarred from this whole infertile experience that I want every symptom possible, but then I wonder if every twinge or borderline pain is normal. Thankfully the sharp pains do come and go and really are few and far between. I try to tell myself the nausea is a good sign; that this is "real", but it still worried me a bit because that's what I feel on CD1 usually....when I'm definitely NOT pregnant. I just want to be out of the 1st Trimester and I just want to know that everything is progressing normally and as well as can be expected with the baby. This is scary stuff.

Wednesday can't come soon enough. I really hope we can see the sac and give me peace of mind before we go to Roatan that its in the right spot. Justin and I have both had dreams that we can clearly see a sac in the uterus, so I really hope our inclinations are right.

Anyway, 90% of our family and friends already know. Justin's so excited that he can't contain himself. I don't blame him, we've waited 2 years for this, it's hard not to scream it from the rooftops. I'm much more cautious though and I hate that I probably come across to some people as not very excited. I'm just praying that you knowing doesn't jinx anything. Everyone has been thrilled and acted so happy and so supportive, it makes me feel so grateful for them and on the other hand feel so bad and guilty that because of my sadness, I probably was pretty distant at times. Everyone wants updates and promises to pray for good outcomes and hey, the extra prayers never hurt anyone, right? Besides, I'm sure people would find out next week while in Roatan as it would hard to hide it for a week. I know I'd be hit from every angle. "Jen, why aren't you going scuba diving? You were so excited about it last week." "Jen, don't you want a pina colada?" "Jen, don't you want some rum?" Yeah. It would be tough to cover up. Anyway, I hope that the only news we give people is more great news from here on out!

Here's a shot from today. Like I said, I wasn't bloated like this a couple days ago! It's crazy how things change already.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open. ~John Barrymore