Testing...1...2...3

Last Thursday began the first round of our testing to see WHAT ELSE we could be up against, we were having his semen analysis and part of my bloodwork done. I think my husband had a little pent-up frustration you could say after our moratorium on sex for a few days. Actually, after the previous week, I think it would have happened anyway, however, you know how you want to do something only because you know you can't? Yeah, that made it a little difficult on BOTH of us.

Anyway, nothing exciting happened, I made it to the lab with the little cup in the RE issued brown paper bag without a hitch. I was worried I'd get caught in traffic or something else dramatic would foil our plans and we'd have to repeat the test much to our disappointment. I was a little embarrassed walking in with my little paper bag, but four vials of blood out of my right arm later, I had survived.

There was a pregnant girl in there with her boyfriend/husband/baby daddy whatever. They were dressed like Nirvana fans would in the early 90s or if we were in say, Seattle maybe? She was taking the glucose test and I heard her say something about having done that before. She couldn't have been older than I am, if so, not by much. So she possibly could have 2 kids or more and here I am, late in Cycle #13 and can't get pregnant.

Neigther one of them seemed very happy or excited -- maybe it was just a bad day, I don't know. In the hour I sat there, I didn't ever catch a single smile out of the two of them. I know its completely irrational to expect anyone pregnant to be estatic every minute of every day, but I don't know what drives me crazier - sad pregnant women, or obnoxiously happy pregnant women! I guess both are a punch to the babymaker in their own ways.

"But the struggles make you stronger...and the changes make you wise. And happiness has its own way of taking its sweet time....life ain't always beautiful, but its a beautiful ride." - Gary Allen, Life Ain't Always Beautiful

Is Knowing Better than Not Knowing?

Last week, we had our first RE appointment. I'm still not sure how I feel about the man, but oh well, his job is to get us pregnant, not tell me everything is fine and hold my hand. I was glad though to hear him say what I've been thinking the past couple weeks that the husband just.doesn't.get: "Something should have happened by now."

The good news....he agreed that I do ovulate on my own. The bad news...the blocked tube may be causing more problems than I was aware of. I naively thought that maybe when I was ovulating from the right side and now that the endo is cleared up, that my chances of getting pregnant were close to "normal". In reality, because of my blocked tube, that knocks my chances down to about 2/3 of what would be your normal 20% chance per cycle...assuming I ovulate from the right ovary. There's a good chance that there is fluid that can't drain out that side that is just washing back in to my uterus and either flushing things out or creating little "pools" of fluid in my uterine lining that make it difficult for an embryo to implant. That's a bummer. Even if the little egg gets fertilized, there is a possibility that it can't get all comfy and cozy for a nine month stay.

I don't know if its just my RE, but I feel like he's very aggressive...which maybe would be good if my two options weren't surgery to fix/remove the tube or IVF. I'm not quite fond of either idea just yet, mainly because I just had a laparoscopy not even two months ago for the endo. The husband isn't quite fond of the IVF idea because he's all about doing things "naturally". (Freaking hippie). We're going to back fill all the other testing that I haven't done to see what else we are dealing with but the RE sounds confident that everything else is fine. That means I don't know whether to smile or frown.

Today was meeting #2 with the RE to see what side I will ovulate on and the great news is that it will be on the right side! Our chance will be more than zero! Ahem, guess what we will be doing this weekend (wink, wink).

Anyway, now on to the normal hoping and praying for the next few weeks.

I think right now what I'm comfortable with, is that if I'm not pregnant by the end of the summer, we'll go forward probably with the surgery. In the long term, that may be our best bet. This is going to be our last summer sans a kiddo (not if...it will BE) and if I can enjoy my pina coladas, then I'm going to enjoy them and enjoy the last few months of being "just" a wife. I'll be a mommy someday...and for the rest of my life hopefully!

Side note: I just found out this past week that orchids are good fertility joojoo. Ummm, this baffles me. I first fell in love with orchids before our wedding and used them in what I could, I love, love, love them. I now have acquired two plants since we've been married and what is ironic about this whole "being good for fertility" is that 13 cycles later, I'm still not pregnant, and I am so botanically challenged that I'm beyond amazed that these are the only two plants that I have EVER been able to keep alive. Seriously. Any other potted plant anyone has ever given me, I have successfully killed.

Bloodwork to be done next Thursday along with the husband's semen analysis.

"Dreams are always crushing when they don't come true, but it's the simple dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You're always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold, and it's enough to break your heart." -Nicholas Sparks