Sixteen

My chart taunted me earlier this month. And I should have known better....and I let it get my hopes up. My temps were higher than usual...and then they dipped. Monday, the day that stupid Fertility Friend wanted me to test, my temp spiked again! I totally actually for a few minutes thought, "Holy shit...this could be it!" So I tested and of course, "big fat holy hell no way are you pregnant" is what the test said to me. But then again, I expected it. So I went another 2 days past my usual LP...which is good news I guess, but still....big FAIL for cycle 15.

I started cycle 16 today and am hating being a woman. I felt so nauseous this morning that I called in sick to work. I have never called in sick for "lady troubles" but I couldn't force myself in. Part of it was probably mental and just the frustration of the past week had built up and just crushed me again. I was all ready to go, took the dogs potty, put them upstairs in their crates, and then started sweating like I was about to lose my cookies and started dry heaving. This is pretty miserable. The only thing that makes me feel better (other than crying) is eating...which in the long run...isn't good when you're trying to lose 10 pounds!

Today I'm sad, I'm sad not only for myself but everyone who is subjected to TTC-ing too long. It's not fair. There are some wonderful, wonderful women going through this and I know they will be amazing mothers. Yet there are women, girls sometimes, getting knocked up everyday that aren't ready for this, that won't make half as great mothers as some of these women. You can't help but question why this is. I'm so grateful (pretty sure my husband is too because I'm sure he doesn't want to hear about it all the time) that I've found a great support group from some women on the Nest. They get it. They know the same hurt, the same sadness, the same things I think day in and day out. I hope someday we all end up at the same place because there must be a reason we all are walking down the same road.

Speaking of going places together, we did all end up going to DisneyLand together...at least in spirit...thanks to Chrys! She put this on a shirt and rocked it for a picture there with our favorite Disney character, Ariel.

The only big news I have is that we are going to Mexico for our 2nd Anniversary in September! I'm super excited and its nice to finally have something to look forward too. :-)

I'm really going to try to get better at blogging. Really.

"When we were little, life worked perfectly. No matter what happened, everything turned out alright in the end. Scraped knees, canceled play dates, dropped ice cream cones-- we would cry for a short time, but by the end of the day, everything would be perfect. And now as we've grown older, we've lost the faith as we stumble through each day, crying over broken hearts, lost friendships, and lost dreams. It seems like life and perfection have turned their backs on us, but really its just that we've grown up. As children we didn't pay attention to such details about our daily lives, but now we are more aware, and little details seem to be amplifying our pain. But just remember that when we were younger, life was hard too, but we had faith in perfection because we could look past faults. So don't lose your faith. Learn to know that each day will pass, each heartache will be mended, and everything will be perfect in the end. Just keep your faith."